Porn star, stripper singer, hippie, mother, she definitely tried on a whole bunch of different lifestyles in her pursuit of happiness and true identity. I think of her when I think of Gogol's life, trying out different lifestyles for size, never really settling down. In the movie Forrest Gump, the girl, Jenny, has a messed up childhood. It scars her inside and she spends the rest of her life trying to find acceptance, happiness, and self-worth. She bounces from one man's house to another, one career to another, and one lifestyle to another. In the end, she marries Forrest and bears him a child. She is happy and comfortable with him, and he loves her, but because of all that she did in the past, she isn't able to truly enjoy herself with Forrest. Her disoriented identity hinders her from enjoying her life in a way that truly satisfies her. In the last section of the book The Namesake, Gogol breaks up with his second girlfriend and marries another girl, Moushumi. These two Bengalis get married, but neither of them are ready for a lifelong commitment to a partner. Moushumi's life consisted of her playing around with different guys. She didn't like commitment; all she wanted to do was play and feel loved. Although Gogol provided her with this love, he didn't provide her with the fun and active lifestyle she desired in her heart. Gogol was also jumping from girl to girl and he ended up with Moushumi, but when they married, he wasn't at a stable stage in his identity. He hadn't truly been able to accept all of himself, therefore leading to a broken relationship where he does not truly understand all of Moushumi's needs and desires. Wanting change and short-term relationships are not uncommon among the people of our world today. I have had friendships that come and go just because one side can not stick to a friendship. Many people just like brief, on-the-surface type of relationships. They want to be together with someone and enjoy one other, but they leave enough space in between so that when one side gets bored, separating isn't too hard or burdensome. In Gogol and Moushumi's relationship, Gogol sensed the growing distance between them. As Moushumi continued further into their marriage, she began to realize that she didn't want to be contained by this bondage, so she started sharing less, hiding secrets, and distancing herself. These all led up to their final separation. Moushumi may one day feel that she doesn't like this lifestyle she lives, one where she's always jumping back and forth. I think that the day she decides on truly settling down is the day she finds her identity and is able to live her life in a way that truly satisfies her. What do you think? Is someone's identity true even if they change from one lifestyle to another or experiment with one thing or another? Hmmm, as for the ending..If I'm honest..I've actually delayed writing this post for quite a bit because I really don't know what to say. Dare I say, I found it maybe even a bit boring?? I don't know..what did you think of the ending? How do you compare Gogol to now to when he was a confused teenager? I think he has definitely matured and made new discoveries in himself. He realizes that he can't run away from his Bengali culture; he still has blood connection and deep down inside, he still wants to have mental and physical connection. He realizes that he can't run away from his old name, Gogol. The old Gogol is still alive and in the end of the book, he finally brushes off the dust from the book, from his old name, and picks it up again. Although the book doesn't say that he changes his name from Nikhil back to Gogol, I don't think that detail is necessary. The important part is that internally, he has picked up the part of him that died as Gogol. He picked up his Bengali culture again and he allowed his life to run its course as Gogol again. At the end of the book, he finally accepts, acknowledges, and even desires being Gogol. Gogol's journey to becoming Gogol was long and painful at times, but he did not just walk in a circle. He did end up in the same spot (being Gogol), but he definitely picked up quite a few things along the journey. In our lives, sometimes it seems like a waste of time and effort to do things, but nothing is really useless. As I apply for university and I look at some of the program majors, it makes me thing like 'Wow, who would ever want to major in that? That's so useless.' But what do I know? Maybe it isn't that practical in real life, but if someone wants to major in that program and learn about something that interests them, then they are benefiting. Learning is never pointless. Our past and mistakes are never for no reason. It all helps to shape our lives. It continues to build our lives, all the way until our end. Until the end. Jenny. From the movie Forrest Gump.
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Reading through the book The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri, the life of the main character, Gogol, reminds me much of the young adult life of Chris Yuan from the book Out of a Far Country by Christopher and Angela Yuan. Gogol is living a much-desired American life. He strays as far away from his parents as possible and gets involved in multiple relationships with American girls. Similarly, Chris Yuan declares freedom when he leaves home for university and lives the life he always dreamed of, drinking alcohol, having sex, and doing drugs all to his own freedom. It is when Chris starts to sell drugs and get arrested that he truly realizes his actions and runs back into the comfort of his parents' love and acceptance. Gogol has not hit rock bottom yet, but by the end of chapter 7, he starts to feel a bit of remorse. I mean, even if you don't have a super good relationship with your parents, you do owe them your life and the least you can do is show a little respect. Being independent for awhile gives Gogol a chance to experience what it's like to make his own decisions. After years of living with his parents' forced culture, he finally feels free and is able to discover all the different aspects of American culture that he was always shielded from. In the book Out of a Far Country, Chris returns home, humbled and in remorse. He misses his parents and his eyes are opened to see all the care they provided for him all his life. After living his own way and learning the hard way, he admits that he was wrong. For Gogol, he doesn't go through the same obvious revelation that Chris goes through, but after his Father's death, he does reflect on his life and how he treated his parents. People say that you never appreciate what you have until you lose it. "He thinks of the last time he'd seen his father, three months ago: the image of him waving good-bye as he and Maxine pulled out of the driveway on their way to New Hampshire. He cannot remember the last time he and his father had spoken. Two weeks ago? Four?" When Gogol is driving away with Maxine he ignores his father's request and dismisses his father's attempts to build their relationship. Ever since he was young, Gogol never showed positive emotional reactions to his father's efforts to reach out to him. At the end of chapter 7 Gogol mentions one moment that he and his father shared. It was not a moment he simply treasured because he passionately loved his father and wanted to cling on to every moment they shared, rather it was because he was told to. In the incident of his father's death Gogol's mind automatically links memories back to the good times they shared and the last scene they had together. Even as Gogol reminisces the past, he can't help but convict himself for isolating his own life from his family. That without event of his father's death, he never would have willingly retrieved those forlorn memories of the past. In a TV drama I watched this same idea is seen. People never truly appreciate what they have until they lose it. After the main character's father passes away, everyone is thrown into a state of shock and depressions. His mother and now-dead father never had a happy marriage. They were always fighting and arguing and even threatening for divorce, but his death still causes her to cry and reminisce what few pleasant memories they shared (which basically refers to any rare time they were not yelling at each other). To her, although she claims she doesn't love him, when he really is gone, she finally learns to appreciate him. Sadly, this is the way too much of our world thinks. Gogol's isolation from his family doesn't strike him as an act of abandonment until he is hit with reality. Until something tragic causes him to reflect on what his life has become.
Having independence is a freedom and a danger. It's danger lies in it's vast freedom. Without the authority and control of parents in his life, he can do whatever he wants and no one is there to bring him back on track. But what is 'on track'? Does that mean there is a set way everyone should live? No, of course not. If you find partying uncontrollably and living life completely without a care comfortable, sustainable, pleasant, and totally unquestionable to you, then by all means, continue at your own will. But for the most part, through many peoples' stories and even by my own experiences, I have come to find that having a set of morals to live by is what brings meaning to my life. Even Gogol has to take a step back in his life after his father's death and reexamine some areas of his life. He sees the dissatisfaction that Maxine actually brings him. He sees that ignoring his parents doesn't make him feel free, just uncomfortable, since he even dreams about his parents calling him back into their reign. Not to say that Gogol's father's death was a positive thing, but there are definitely positive outcomes from it. Sometimes it does take a tragic accident to shake us from the hallucination we're living in. Life isn't about playing it safe all the time and missing out on all the fun, but it isn't about going crazy all the time and wildly running around either. I think it's a balance of both. Living in a world full of selfish and stubborn people, tragedy is often one of the only ways to bring about a revival in people. What do you think? Do you think tragedy is necessary at times? It often seems that way in our world... This is a zebroid, a cross between a zebra and a horse. Interesting? Annd..this is a cama. The precious bundle of joy shared between a camel and a llama. This cute animal here is...oh wait. Who's this?
Well, this is Nikhil (or Gogol, as he would call himself in kindgergarten), from The Namesake, by Jhumpa Lahiri and he is a hybrid child, just like the zebroid and cama. Hybrid child [hahy-brid chahyld] : 1. A person formed by the constant demands of societal culture and family culture. 2. The mess left by the hopeless attempt to assimilate two cultures. |
I have a story. You have a story. And while these stories need to be heard, in the end..we are all more than a story but still simple wayfarers of life.
A blog cannot contain the entire person I am, it is just a colorful collection of my stories. P.S. Please ignore all preview blog posts due to it being written by my high school self for an English class project requiring the creation of this blog. I only keep it for amusement purposes. Thanks for bearing Instagram @Meeshyin |