How do I even begin…how do I even begin to describe how I deceived myself into accepting my life experiences as normal and that it was just another thing that came with puberty? To be honest I can’t even remember the first time I experienced sexual harassment, I just learned to expect and accept it when I started wearing makeup, when I transitioned from a girl to a woman in the eyes of the world, when I unknowingly hit the shallow standards and tolerable age to start being admired by all sorts of men. If you know me well, I’ve probably told you that I don’t want to get married or that I hate guys, but I was not born this way; no, I am a product of conditioning. You see, naturally I believe I should be attracted to men but how can I when the weak links of the male population have scarred me into disgust, hatred and a deeply engrained mentality to be skeptical of every male interaction and compliment, to question every motive behind nice guys. Deep deep deep down inside I may entertain the possibility of marriage one day, but that thought won’t be seeing the light of day anytime soon, at least not while I hold onto my own form of self-defence (at the same time is also the full embodiment of self-sabotage) that is pessimism. I think this will be healthy for me to share some things of my heart and also healthy for those who feel this same way but also healthy for those who can’t relate or are on the outside to provoke some thoughts and discussion.
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